Life in the Fast Lane

Sept 2009 - Indicating to turn into Middle Lane

2009-09-05T10:15:00.001-07:00

Hi Readers,

Yes, I'm still here - and still riding the Fast Lane - well sort of, actually, I think my body has just indicated to turn into the Middle Lane, but my mind is saying NO NO NO.....hard right and stick like glue to the crash barriers !! New school term and little Missa has just gone up to Big School....she seems happy about it. Yesterday was Ailsa's and mine 16th year wedding anniversary......everythingf still luvverly ;)

Those Bomburs are still waddling around Birkenhead sucking their pasties and Sayers sausage rolls.....

We have 3 chickens now.....bloody things, I hate them.

See you soon,

Phil.

Back from Holidays

2008-08-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

Monday morning after your Summer holidays have finished - now that's depressing. I can't even go to work this morning to show off my tan, as my eldest - true to form - has come back with an ear infection so I have to be off work this morning to look after her. Buggeration.

This is a picture of yours truely sitting in the inner courtyard of Carcassonne castle. Not bad for a visit, but Warwick Castle is much better.

Next holiday may be October-ish - half term you see.

Anyway - I guess that after two weeks in SW France, I can go in this afternoon - all chilled out.

Glass half full mates.

Beach Bums

2008-07-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

You Know, one of the really good things about living in Heswall, is that you can just get on your bike and cycle the 4 miles down an old railway line to West Kirby beach. Nothing nasty about this place - lots of families having the simple fun of going on a beach with an ice cream, making sandcastles, going for a walk around the Marine Lake and watching the windsurfers.

It's also great to people watch - I like looking for the Bomburs..bom-ba-dom, bom-ba-dom... they always have the biggest ice cream....with a flake of course..

Hee hee....all good clean fun.

2008-07-13T11:34:00.001-07:00

So today we are talking about Radio 4's Today programme and how they treat Science as a subject....ooh, this will be a good one....

As a BBC license payer I have a complaint: Why do Today's presenters always seem to treat any Science subject with a rather condescending attitude and a snigger. They invite senior Scientists on - to talk about a range of subjects - but whatever the topic, it always seems to end in a silly remark, a laugh and a comment about "Boffins" or "Back Room Boys".

No way would they behave this way to a senior Economist, Artist, Architect, Lawyer or Politician.

What's going on here ?

Summer is here...well sort of.

2008-07-13T03:44:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

It's mid July 2008 - and the Great British summer is doing it's best. We're not quite on the Summer 2007 performance yet - but things might change. June was pretty much wet and windy - and July has been "mixed". Yesterday I assembled my little weather station - so I'll be following developments a bit more closely.

The theme of the summer has been the dire warnings from the Government and City with regards to the Credit Crunch, High Petrol and Food prices and scarily increasing energy bills. Our combined gas & electric bill doubled (£100 pcm to £200 pcm) from 1 quarter to the next - and I'm sure it'll go higher still. There are going to be a lot of people that will be clobbered with enormous bills and with no way to pay it. So now I'm paranoid over lights left on and not using energy intensive appliances. I bought a little energy useage meter that tells you how many kW's you are using - it's morbidly fascinating to watch it. The next project may be the purchase and installation of a Solar PV (electricity) panels on the roof. Mind you it'll cost us £5K to generate just enough juice to keep the 2 fridge-freeezers ticking over, i.e. bugger all. Sigh, it's going to get worse I just know it.

Still holidays in 3 weeks - South of France here we come !

Bike Crash: Our Hero is Injured !

2008-06-29T08:26:00.000-07:00

My tenth cycle ride to Unilever R&D Port Sunlight (my workplace) ended in disaster on June 5th - I'd almost got to work - travelling about 15mph down a slight incline on a dedicated cycle path. Just in front of me I could see some roofing company using a conveyor belt thing to take tiles up to the roof they were working on. The base motor unit was situated right in the middle of the cycle path - no problem, I could see it and went around the edge of it- but horrors !! I head this almighty BANG !! and the next thing I knew I was flying through the air for a split second then I hit the ground hard with my outstretched hands taking the full force of the impact. Ouch...I knew that it was going to hurt..and it did. My bike had come to rest further down the track - and embedded in the front wheel was a large chunk of roofing timber - which had bent the front forks back at an alarming angle. My hands, knees and chest were bleeding - and my bike was a right-off.

The dozy bastards doing the roofing work has left seven kinds of crap littered all over the cycle track and on its edges: wood, nylon ties, bits of metal, broken tiles etc. The young roofer who got to me first looked worried and got the foreman - who initially said that it wasn't their fault, but soon changed his mind when he saw their bit of wood in the front wheel.

Anyway - my wife Ailsa came to save me - drove me and the wrecked bike home. I went into A&E Arrowe Park and they took x-rays of my right wrist and eventually said that I had a greenstick fracture and I had to wear a wrist splint thing for 3 weeks. It smelt horrible - and I had a huge scab on my left palm (remember the scab-protecting "scab-house" that I made using bent cardboard stuck on with plasters ?....urrgghh horrid. )

It's now 3 weeks later - I got a new bike - and I'm sueing the company for damages. Dunno what'll happen - but I've got plenty of evidence and witnesses. Wish me luck, it's my first ever "legal case".

New ways of talking ?

2008-05-05T08:56:00.000-07:00

Here's another thing that really pisses me off....in fact there's two related things.

First up for my ridicule:

High Rising Terminal, or Australian Questioning Intonation. This is a new tendency for young females (mostly) to end every sentence sounding like a question, sometimes this effect occurs multiple times within a sentence. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_rising_terminal. I'm not sure why they do it - perhaps they feel a bit insecure - and want to make it sound like they are not giving you a statement of fact - but rather a "perhaps" statement - seeing first if you might agree with them without comitting themselves. Or perhaps, they want to check out if you understand the gist what they are saying. I don't know - but it sounds ridiculous.

Second up:

A peculiar way of speaking that Jeremy Clarkson has made popular - that ends every sentence with a strong downbeat. Almost the opposite of what the AQI does. You hear it all the time on Commercial Radio during the adverts or links or trailers. Movie trailers have it too (you can hear that stereotypical gravelly voice doing it if you imagine hard enough). This way of speaking tries to have the effect of strongly stating a fact - and discouraging any rebuttal -there can be no easy comeback when the sentence ends with such powerful finality. When done well it is the tone of a hectoring bully. This is equally annoying.

Ho hum....I'll stick to my watered down Brummie - which everyone on the Radio 4 says sounds totally thick - but they are completely Home Counties biased anyway. We'll have a go at R4's atttitude to Science soon.

Phil.

Unhealthy Fat Shoppers

2008-05-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

....OK, now warming to my theme hinted at in the last blog....

See, I've just come back from shopping, and the sights that you see these days make me wonder if I'm still on planet Earth. There are women shoppers out there that have backsides 4' wide - I'm not kidding . Massive backsides, huge floppy breasts, vast heaving white bellies (often exposed by those ridiculous short T-shirts), double or triple chins and ankles that look like small tree trunks.

It's not just that they are fat, some fat people are vibrant looking, happy even....but some of these fat shoppers also look incredibly unhealthy, intellectually sub-normal and miserable.

They have pasty, spotty faces, lank greasy hair; they are usually smoking a cigarette and swearing at their snotty nosed brats. They'll be sucking on a can of coke, or pushing a Sayers sausage roll into their fat faces. You can picture the scene....

The problem is that this is becoming normal...this is how many people now look, so these fat ugly, unpleasant people no longer look out of place....It's you who is out of place.

Now that's scary...

Modern Shops

2008-05-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

Hi again Blogsters,

This months little rant is about modern shops and how everything about them is crap. It's got to the extent with me that I can no longer really stand going shopping. Let's do some naming and shaming: Currys, Comet, All Chain "Sport" shops, Music / Games Stores, Woolworths, Boots, Halfords....basically all of the high street chains.

These "retail outlets" are characterised by having nothing really in stock (except small stuff) - they just have cheap tatty looking shelving, containing unpacked goods that they will try to sell you "at a discount" because they carry no virtually stock. The assistants are mostly teenagers working on minimum wage who don't really give a damn about the job anyway (why would they?) - so customer service is virtually nil. I just love the "Expert Tech Guy" badges by some of the older looking ones in the PC stores (PC World, etc). I wouldn't trust them to tie my shoelaces. These assistants basically don't really do anything now that the stores have the new chip & pin devices which the customers operate anyway. The stores don't need need the dopey assistants at all - just shelf stockers and a security guy.

Then they try to sell you some crappy insurance deal at the "till", it's not a till, it's a stock control terminal linked to a head-office server - always say no by the way. Can you imagine trying to claim for a dysfunctional DAB radio in 2 years time with one of these deals...hah hah...no chance.

God I hate them. Internet shopping is the only way. Same old rubbish but at least it spares you the hassle, the dithering pensioners, unhealthy looking fat people and dozy, pierced, disinterested teenagers.

Whoo ho....good one.

Spring has Sprung - Well, sort of...

2008-04-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

Hi Bloggers,

Long time no post - I know. Anyway. Now it's mid April and the weather here in the NW UK has gone a bit cranky. One day it's hot, and the next its freezing cold with icy winds and violent hailstorms. The poor things in the garden don't know what to do. Personally I'm hunkering down until June. All the animals on board the good ship Waterfield are still alive - the guinea pigs are fatter, the cats lazier (and smellier) and the fish aren't suffering from too much fungus-face.

We're going to a snow-dome thing in Manchester tomorrow for our 12 year old's birthday treat with her friends - God help us.

Actually, God is a subject that I will be warming to over the next few blogs. I've read a bit of Dawkins you see and it's added fuel to my atheistic fire. So prepare for a rant.

See you.

Weekend Chores

2008-01-26T04:01:00.000-08:00

...You know, when you've run around all week doing your normal work, the last thing you need at weekends is the pile of normal "chores" that have to be done to stop the family and home looking like tramps.

Unfortunately, needs must: So Saturday is washing the clothes and sheets, and the re-making the beds....and unless the washing machine and tumble drier are kept running all day - we don't finish until the evening.

And then Sunday is the ironing day- although our ironing only gets as "Extreme" as listening to the Archers - or in my case my iPod. I think this chap here is a bit of a git though.

The strange thing is, is that when you have some spare time on weekends - like now - I feel at a bit of a loose end...It's only 12:10 pm and lunch is a good 50 mins away. What the hell do I do for 50 mins ? Ho humm....

Mithering Cats in the Early Evening

2008-01-23T09:42:00.001-08:00

This is Yeti, so called because she has massive feet due to the fact that she has 6 toes per paw. She is a greedy beast and consequently has "jumping flanges" around her waist, not that I can talk !

After 3pm she starts mithering for her evening meal - luckily on weekdays we don't get in until 5pm - so by then she is "starving" - seriously, she starts biting you if she isn't provided for. So on weekends you either have to lock her outside, or lock yourself away after 3pm. Sometimes like tonight, even after she has been fed, she still mithers around the chair legs, miaowing and looking anxious.

Personally I think she expects some pudding.

Hee hee....

Mid January Musings...

2008-01-20T11:14:00.000-08:00

Hi there Bloggers,

Here we all are in mid January. Well so far 2008 has been wet, dark, cold and windy. Just what you'd expect for January - but quite honestly, would rather not have. Global warming - bring it on.

The year has started okay. Missa is now having her regular 1 hr per week Tutors lesson for her 11+ in Dec (poor little devil) and Becca is just slogging on against her "targets" -aren't we all. Bloody Honda Tourer has required another rear tailgate latch mechanism fix - I reckon the speed bumps at work are knackering it.

Nobody has yet gone down with any serious "Noro" virus - vomiting and the trots - thank God.
That book I've been reading -"The Secret of Crickley Hall" by James Herbert was a good finish - it would make a good film...Cheers James. Augustus Cribben is exactly our Yr 5 "literacy" figure of Mr Wickens (courtesy Melissa Waterfield)..."Swish, Thwack !"

Glad all the kids got away in the end...even though they were Ghosts....

Christmas Eve 2007

2007-12-24T06:18:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are again. Christmas Eve. it's pouring with rain outside, and it has been for hours - and it will continue for hours. So all the family are couped up inside. It's 2pm and the kids are encamped on the sofa watching some American rubbish - my good lady is making stuff in the kitchen - and I'm roaming around the house like a caged bear....Grrr.

Melissa had a "sleep-over" last night, so that means she hasn't had any sleep for 24 hrs, so by 6pm tonight she will be unbearable. Still, perhaps she'll sleep in tomorrow morning (huh ! some hope). They have been banned from emerging from their bedrooms until at least 7:30am.

Christmas day will be nice - it usually is, with the pressie un-wrapping (fingers crossed - that my shopping choices for everyone else were not too hideous !), then a nice meal, and then a slog around the local footpaths until we collapse into our armchairs about 9pm.

God Bless Us All.......

Blogging Via E-Mail

2007-12-06T05:42:00.001-08:00

This is a test to see if Blogs can be sent via E-mail

Dr Phil Waterfield

7 The Pipers

Heswall

CH60 9LL

Tel: 0151 342 8604

Mob: 07770 448424

phil.waterfield@btinternet.com

http://pwaterfield.blogspot.com/

Inappropriate, Inconsiderate Lighting

2007-12-05T11:49:00.000-08:00

Look at this wretched thing. This car park light was erected by my neighbouring
clinic at the bottom of the garden.

This damn halogen powered thing lights up half the district at night.

Words need to be had......

Weekend "Battle-Shorts"

2007-12-01T03:19:00.001-08:00

Well we had to get onto this subject eventually...

Look, maybe it's just me and the other middle-aged men that live on my road....in which case you can read this article and have a snigger - or you can deeply understand where I'm coming from...

All week long we Men are trussed up in uncomfortable work-trousers and by Saturday we are screaming to get out of them....If, like me you do some household chores, then a pair of jeans aren't really very comfortable either, especially when you are swinging a Dyson round the house. This is where Battleshorts come in. The best ones are those which you've had for ages and are severely stressed....like they've been through a battle (battle shorts are usually accompanied with an old T-shirt). The scummier the better. The only problem is, is that as the year wears on, the weather gets colder and colder - and it's tough to relinquish the BS's even when there is snow outside.

Christmas Presents

2007-11-30T10:26:00.000-08:00

Conversation between middle class man and wife:

(i.e. the wife and I)

He: "What do you want for Christmas?
She: " Nothing really, what do you want ?"

He: "There's nothing I really want - If I want it, I'll just go out and buy it..."

He: " So what was it you wanted...?"

She: "There's nothing I really need..."

..and so it goes on all over the civilised western world....people end up buying any old thing just to feel good that they've bought something. But bizarrely, if you don't get anything on Chrimbo morning you would feel cheated wouldn't you - go on, admit it.

It's all so stressful.

Christmas Decorations - Bah Humbug !

2007-11-26T01:54:00.000-08:00

Hi Readers...

Mr. Grumpy is back !!

Now I might be a bit Scrooge-ish about this, and call me old fashioned - but I don't like seeing Christmas decorations going up in November. I've already seen Christmas Trees and Christmas lights outside houses....Harumphhhh ! People should have the decency to wait until at least December - preferably the second week in December.

and if any "Carol singers" - for this read dopey teenage boys mumbling the first line of "We wish you a Merry Christmas" - dare to come to our door before Dec 10th - they'd better watch out.

Happy November to you All !

Life in the Freezer

2007-11-19T00:54:00.000-08:00

Wow - you can really feel Winter starting to bite - yesterday in Heswall it was one of those classic British winter days when it starts off at 5C - dark and damp - and doesn't really change all day. Unless you have the heating on the hosue all day - the air gets cooler and damper - and your hands and feet start to feel the cold, until even the bravest amongst us are forced out of our weekend "battle shorts" ( - I haven't discussed this essential item of clothing yet - but remind me and we'll do it in a later episode - ) anyway - forced out of the battle shorts and into horrible things called "jeans" and "jumpers" - urghh hideous.

I tried to light a bonfire in the garden to get rid of some sticks - well that was my excuse - it took ages to light but eventually it got going - but it was put out when a cold shower doused it around 4pm. Urgghh, roll-on Spring.

Life in the Fast Lane

2007-11-18T05:12:00.001-08:00

Doesn't Time Fly ?

2007-11-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

I've just looked at my Blog - and my last one was on 14th October - nearly a month ago - I can't believe that - mind you then we had the World Cup Rugby final to get through - we didn't of course thanks to the 'Boks, but we put up a decent show.

November of course is traditionally the month when British kids are allowed to play with high explosives - and are allowed to build massive bonfires and burn effigies of Catholic rebels.

There is also of course the less traditional Halloween - which has been borrowed from the USA by our beloved Retail Sector, which pushes cheap "scarey crap" on the brainwashed kids of us poor beleagued parents.

The nights are drawing in - and we had our first frost of the season. Brrr - pass the Horlicks.

Drop Goals, Camembert & Champagne

2007-10-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

Wow - did we have fun last night - Watching our man Jonny kick us into the Rugby World Cup final whilst we were being wined and dined by our very kind French neighbours. Both the English and French families intermittently screamed at the TV - and fed our faces - all lubricated by health doses of French and English Champagne. What an night - and that last drop goal, poor Christophes's jaw couldn't have sunk any lower - I did feel a bit sorry for him (...nah...)

Okay - come on you Argies (hopefully)

Going to the Gym

2007-10-12T03:49:00.000-07:00

I'm getting a bit older and creakier - and for the sake of my general health I started going to the small gym at work about 3 years ago. To be fair to myself, I have pretty much gone twice a week every week for the last 3 years. But to be honest, I'm physically quite lazy at heart. Although I always have a warm (smug) glow at the end of a gym session, I never really like dragging myself along to do it. They say it's supposed to keep you limber and flexible, but if that' s the case why do I always feel like I've been run-over the following morning - with my joints even creakier. I actually feel better when I don't go.

Oh God, it's 11:54, I have to go in 6 minutes.....spare me.

Rugby World Cup

2007-10-08T01:24:00.000-07:00

WHAT a weekend....England beating Australia in the Quarter finals - Oh that is truely sweet.... and then to put the cherry on top we have the Frogs amazingly beating the All Blacks, "Vive Le France..(until next weekend when we'll demolish them of course).

It seems to me that the Southern Hemisphere teams are a bit too boastful about their teams prowess - and to have taken them down a peg or three by the Northern European grumpy old men is fantastic. Go and licks your wounds Aussies and Kiwi's come back in 4 years time when you are ready fof the big time !

ha ha....Glass FULL .

Italian Feasts and Mosquito Bites

2007-10-05T05:09:00.000-07:00

I've just come back from a very enjoyable week away in Italy - on our R&D workshop. Our Italian hosts entertained us very well with several versions of the Classic Italian "Feast" - about 6 courses with millions of calories. The dessert trolley alone was a Calorific A-Bomb.

Problem for me was the whole area was alive with very hungry mosquito's and one night I left my hotel room window open because (as with all hotels) the room was hot and stuffy and the air conditioning was crap. In the morning I was a mass of large angry swellings all over my arms and back.

Buzzzzzz........Great.

Getting back home Manchester airport was cool and refreshing !

Musings on the shore of Lake Maggiori

2007-10-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

Hi Readers

Warning: This is a glass-half-full blog!

This week I'm in Stresa at Lake Maggiori, Italy. It's a very beautiful setting with some snowy-peaked mountains peaking over the lakeside hills. We don't start our business untill 14:00 this afternoon, so I can just enjoy the hotels hospitality until then. Althought at €22/day internet connection - that's a bit steep.

The flight over from Manchester was uneventful except for a terrifying moment just before coming into landing when the plane seemed to violently twist left and right for a stomach-lurching 10 seconds - it was a bit frightening.

Anyhow - now I'm safe here - I'm going to enjoy this week. That's a pretty big lake - they say it's > 50 miles long - I bet there's some good fish it it.

Perils of an International Traveller

2007-09-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Italy next week - I used to like travelling on planes for business when I was a young upwardly mobile gunslinger, full of excitment and a sense of adventure.

But now I'm 44 and have a few travel creases - I hate it. I hate every aspect of it: The grim reality of Manchester airport at 6am, the awful humiliation of the queues, the waiting around, little plastic bags with your toiletries on show, the wretched jockeying for position in the queue to get on - the stashing your bags, the cramped seats, the boring magazines. Long haul flights are the ultimate nasty experience.

You know, 10 years ago BA used to give you a decent little hot meal coming back from Milan leaving at 6pm - I used to look forward to it (sad I know), but now you are lucky to get a plastic-tasting cheese sandwich and a tepid plastic pot of cheap orange juice.

Then you get back home, and you are queing up to get through UK Customs with a 747's load of Florida holiday-makers in front of you - Oh deep joy.

Rip-Off Britain

2007-09-27T02:27:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to buy a telescope for my birthday - sort of self-treat - and I've been looking through my astronomy magazines at prices. I can buy a Celestron Nexstar SE 8" in the UK for £1300, the price of the same 'scope in the USA is $999.

Less than half price.

It's not just telescopes - virtually everything you buy in Britain is significantly cheaper in the USA.

WHY?

We are being ripped off.

Household Boiler systems

2007-09-25T01:32:00.000-07:00

We had these solar panels installed last summer - and they are great - free hot water- and less money spent on gas. However it is supposed to work in tandem with our gas boiler, so when it is a cloudy day the gas boiler compensates. Unfortunately we just noticed that it is not working this way. On cloudy days I'm waking up for a shower and there is only tepid water. I found out that the gas boiler is not coming on when instructed to...worryingly the boiler is flashing a red light...uh oh.

Now I'm not daft, but have you ever looked at the tangle of pipes and wires inside the guts of a modern central heating system - I can't work out anything from looking into the boiler cupboard...dammit, and Winter is coming on....

What not to wear

2007-09-21T03:13:00.000-07:00

I'm a 44 year-old British man, and I have a reasonable amount of disposable income, and I like to look decently dressed when I go to work - or go out - but I have a problem.

When I go shopping in Chester or Liverpool - or anywhere really - I cannot find anything that I like, or would look good on me. All the clothes all look like they were designed for skinny teenagers with a manic fashion sense. When I do go to shops that have more "sensible" clothes - they always look crap on me when I wear them - horrible mis-shapen jumpers, stupid zip-up cardigans - and they simpy do not last.

I'm hopeless and need help.

Life in the Slow Lane

2007-09-20T03:38:00.000-07:00

Here's a great tip for those in work during the day: NEVER go outside work and drive around Heswall (in fact probably most towns) during the day, especially Thursdays.

The roads and shops are swarming with pensioners - who live life at a "leisurely pace". Whilst you are racing around trying to get your stuff fitted into your lunch-break they are in front of the queue and want to have a long and detailed discussion regarding some gossip tidbit with the poor sap behind the till / bank / post-office / dry-cleaners, etc.

Don't get me onto their driving habits...

I suppose we all get old - but sheesh...

Messy Desks vs. Tidy Desks

2007-09-18T01:51:00.000-07:00

An observation: Some people's desks at work are pathologically tidy whilst some are cluttered dirty messes. What does this tell us about the minds of the desk owners ? Both extremes are disturbing.

The tidy ones never seem to have any personal effects - almost as if they don't own the desk - which perhaps in a Corporate sense they don't - but nevertheless these people have no emotional soul - they are the creepy ones. What, or why, are they hiding their emotions ?

Whereas the messy ones just look mentally disorganised and un-caring. Would you want one of these people running your project ? probably not. Although I can probably accept these types more.

Riders on the Storm

2007-09-17T03:25:00.001-07:00

Last night at about 1:30 am there was the most almighty crashing wind and stormy rain that blew up outside the house, it woke me up. It sounded like Hurrican Dean had found its way across the Atlantic Ocean and was battering on my window. I hunkered down under my duvet. In the morning I was expecting to see pure devastation outside - Nuclear Winter stuff.

But...7:00am, no sign of any damage whatsoever, and scant evidence that even a light shower had passed.

This has happened before....so what's going on here ? It's sort of like Alien abduction - but it's weather-based. There's never anything on the weather news about it - but then again if it doesn't involve London - nobody cares anyway.

Spooky stuff.....

The Long Dull Sunday

2007-09-16T06:58:00.000-07:00

A prisoner of Sunday mornings: Sittings with the kids helping them do their homework, followed by refreshing the water in the big aquarium and cleaning the filters - OR, doing a massive pile of ironing, then putting the clothes away. What a choice! I'm not sure what is worse.

Anyway, after that it is 12:30 and time to make a quick lunch.

Then we have the long afternoon....2 till 5pm. It's 3pm now, and downstairs I can hear my 11yr old daughter making "smoothies" - I just know what mess will be left - together with a sticky glass and half drunk mess.

Sigh....

Some Things that Annoy Me...

2007-09-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

Plasters - Urghh hate the things - they always have a flappy corner bit that won't stick down and when you take it off your skin is all white and dead-looking

Coats - What are they really for ? - it's never really that cold in the UK and they don't really keep out heavy rain - they are just hot and uncomfortable.

Nylon Tags on Clothes : God these are so annoying - you have to bite them off with your teeth (or spend ages finding a pair of scissors) - and then the taggy bit falls on the floor where you will notice it a week later.

Squeaky Boys - Squeaky 11 year old boys should be eliminated. Quick, where 's my spade ?

Nissan Micras - I mean they are bad enough anyway as a design, but put a pensioner behind the wheel, and you are asking for serious tailbacks.

The Tesco Run

2007-09-12T11:18:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night is grocery shopping night at our house. Usually my wife goes and comes back having spent a reasonable amount of money. When I go, I always massively overspend.

It was my turn today.

Following the usual dreary drag down the ailes I then had the pleasure of going to the till and having some spotty faced oik throwing my purchases down the chute where I'm supposed to bag it up as fast as he can bar-code scan it. Of course the Oik always asks "Do you need help with packing?" - but NEVER say yes - because if you do, you'll have either a) another spotty faced oik placing a heavy bag of potatoes on your soft loaf or b) you have some geriatric who dithers about filling 50+ bags with 2 items in each. Shudder, total misery.

Fat, Lazy Cats who won't "go" outside

2007-09-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

This is the trouble with cats - they can live for a long time - and when they get old (like people), they get grumpier and more set in their ways.

In this case Sweep (pictured below) has decided that she won't go outside for her toilet matters.

So here is Sweep, who is 14 years old and proudly showing you all the smelly "double yolker" that she's just laid fresh for me.

Cheers Sweep - just on Dinner time.

Catching Guinea Pigs in the Dark

2007-09-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

The kids have two guinea pigs, I suppose they are quite sweet, except for the dreadful little scrabbly feet - quite like fat rats really - urghh horrid.

Anyway, I digress. We have this outside run for them - they love it and just scoff lots of grass, but the nights are getting darker now, and its very easy to be sitting on your sofa at 8:45pm, and then realise that no-one has brought the pigs in - oh shit - now you have to go outside armed with a large torch - lift the side of the A-framed run, and they just make a break for the bushes. You have to be quicker than an Owl stooping for the kill (probably why the pigs run for it)....God I hope I don't forget tonight - it's pizza and red wine night....

Ta whit ta whoo....

11 year olds and trees

2007-09-11T03:48:00.000-07:00

We have this big old birch tree in our back garden, and all the local kids come and climb up it. I don't really mind too much (after all our kids are doing it too), except that there's only so far that 11 year olds can climb before it starts getting dangerous. Already small branches have been snapped half-way up the tree, and some of these kids are like monkeys, especially the boys.

If the fell out, they'd kill or badly injure themselves - and guess who'd get sued.....not the parents -- oh no.....

2007-09-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

Life in the Fast Lane

2007-09-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

Hi I'm Phil,

44 years old, married, father of 2 girls, and generally grumpily learning to live with middle age.

Loads of things irritate me about modern life - we can enjoy a few rants about that later on - I'm sure it will be amusing - but then there's nice things too, so I guess overall I'm a "Glass half full" man.

This is the first of my proper blogs. I sort of do a blog at work, but it's only really a daily "Set-Note" on my Windows messenger on the Unilever Network, and that of course doesn't build up as a record.

So we'll try this proper blog page, and see how we go.

See you later,

Phil